1.06.2011

Let It All Out

Relient K has been my favorite band since 7th grade. I have every CD of theirs, have seen them in concert, got to meet them (them being Matt Thiessen, Matthew Hoopes, Brian Pittman, and Dave Douglas) when I was in 8th grade, I have band paraphernalia (including signed stickers and t-shirts, and my brother has signed drum sticks), and have had a crush on Dave Douglas, the drummer from 2000-2007, since I heard them for the first time. But that last part won't come as a surprise to some of you, because my close friends know that I am a women of many crushes...typically musicians :)

So, now you know how much I love this band.

Well, the past few days I have heard them come on the radio, while I'm sitting in Chili's eating with work people, and on my iPod when I turn it on in the mornings, on shuffle, might I add. I also have randomly had their songs pop into my head and will sing a chorus, or the whole song, over and over, until something else pops into my mind. As I was walking my dog this morning, I started singing, out of the blue, "Let It All Out" from their Mmhmm album. And in a moment of stopping so Grace could pee, I realized what I was singing, and how significant the lyrics are to my life right now. (I'm only going to dissect a couple parts, cause if I were to do the whole song, this blog would be SO long. But I think you'll get the gist of it after reading the parts I share!)

"And you said, I know this will hurt,
But if I don't break your heart, then things will just get worse,
If the burden seems too much to bear, Remember,
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

A close friend of mine had a vision of me two days after I went through my break up. She told me about this vision, and it brought me to tears. Gosh, just writing it out, I know is going to make me tear up. She said, "Autumn, the Lord gave me a vision of you today, I've never really had a vision before, so take it however you want to, but it spoke to me too. You were sitting there, and the sky opened up above you and the Lord looked down on you and said, 'Autumn, I have to show you what real pain feels like, what it looks like, so that you learn to completely trust Me and the plans I have for you.'"

Real pain. Hm. I feel like these past two years have been nothing but pain. There have been glimpses of joy here and there, but nothing that filled my heart with real joy. The Lord knew that I had to go through hurt; I had to go through it for growth. He had to break my heart; if He didn't, things really would have continued to get worse...I really do see this now. And I know that in the end, all the pain I've had to walk through, will turn into (and it already is) something so beautiful. I'll be able to share my testimony with people and, hopefully, they will see the pain I had to walk through, and how the Lord turned that pain into real joy!

"Reach out to me,
Make my heart brand new,
Every beat will be for you, For you....
And I know you know
You touched my life
When you touched my heavy heart and made it light."

And He has done just that...the heavy heart that I have had for years (really... years!) is being made light. Because He has touched me, reached out to me....called me His own.

"Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about,
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along,
That's exactly what we need"

I got comfortable in life. I had it all planned out and everything that didn't fit into my "perfect little plan" was scary and I pushed it away as fast as I could. And yes, I was scared to lose the life I had planned for myself, but like the song said, losing that life, is exactly what I needed! And I'll be honest, it sucks. It sucks real bad, but it's what I needed....

He knew it.
And I am so glad He did.
Because so many good things are about to happen!!

Hm....I hope that all made sense! :)
Here's the song! Please enjoy it!!!



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