1.01.2011

Reflection

2010 has come to an end, a New Year has begun. I really have no idea where the past year has gone; it seems to have escaped me. My Dad always said that as you get older, the days, months, and years go by faster and faster. This is so true! It seems like just yesterday I was in Denver with a bunch of people, watching fireworks and playing games, ringing in 2010. And today, I sit on my couch, in my sweats, surrounded by the smell of fresh baked pumpkin bread, watching football, wondering how in the world 2011 is already here.

A lot happened in 2010...so much actually that I can't even remember everything!
I turned 21, got drunk, and hated life. That was the most horrible birthday I could ever have had. Seriously though. I never want to relive the memories of turning the 'big' 2-1 again. Ever.
Valentines Day pretty much sucked as the boy I was in love with, wasn't in love with me. But the day ended with me making him dress in girl clothes in Walmart, with me taking pictures. The only revenge I could think of for him not doing anything for me for Valentines Day. Ha!
My brother turned 18!! It wasn't a great birthday for him either though. Mom was no where in the picture, so I took Tanner out to a movie and surprised him with a bunch of balloons! Even though it was a hard birthday, we had so much fun being the only ones in the movie theater, snapping pictures of us doing crazy things, haha! Through the pain, there still seemed to be joy and laughter!
The boy I loved asked me to be his girlfriend (again) come Easter. It was a joyous time! My heart was so very happy! Little did I know, this happiness would be short lived....
The summer was full of laying by the pool, camping, taking a stupid math class that made me want to kill myself (and no, I am not exaggerating...I just really hate math that much), hours of watching Hells Kitchen and making food, playing frisbee golf with friends just about every other day, my first backpacking trip (which was INSANE), going to a new church, getting involved in ministry, waiting for the boy to get a steady job, painting and redecorating my apartment, spending long days at the lake watching people wakeboard (which I have yet to try....:-/), laughter, arguments, family drama, no Mom, shopping, friends, and love. The list actually could keep going, but as of right now, that's all I really remember.
Come fall, things went from great to awful. I watched my brother make the decision to move back to California to be with Dad, which was totally his decision and a great one at that. It was hard to say goodbye though. I do miss having my immediate family in the same state as me.
The boy had finally got a job, which we had been waiting for for over two years, talk of marriage was all around, I spent hours looking at rings, dresses, decorations, you name it! Then everything turned for the worst, many many lies and hidden sins were brought to the light. Once again, it was me who found these lies out (this also happened with Mom) and had to confront someone I loved. The love I had for this boy ended. November 7th. Everything I had ever wanted or known, all my life plans, marriage, a family, a future with someone I had given everything to, was committed to...ended. And once again I had to go through the motions of sleepless nights, crying countless tears, not eating for days, meeting with people to talk through everything, and find the Lord's purpose and plan through all the heartache.
Thanksgiving was filled with friends, who I now call my family! Laughter, full tummies, football, naps, and pictures filled this special day, and also, filled my heart with joy. I may not have been with family, but sometimes, there are friends who are closer than family, and these friends, are just that!
December came and went faster than I could ever have imagined. My apartment was decorated with Christmas cheer, glitter, and candles :) There were tons of presents under the tree, wrapping paper everywhere, the smell of fresh baked cookies and pies and sweets almost every week, sunny weather, and knowing that the Lord was going to do some amazing things over the Christmas season! Though I had to endure much pain and hurt through November, December was filled with joy unspeakable! Prayers were answered, the faithfulness of the Lord was all around, thoughts and memories of the past were taken away, and I was surrounded by family. I saw my Mom and Grandma for the first time in almost a year, spent Christmas Day with my two favorite boys and my wonderful family, and was so blessed with fun presents! And to end all the wonderfullness....I got to talk to my best friend who I hadn't talked to in months and SNOW finally came!!

Yes, there was much pain and hurt through 2010, but looking back, I see how the Lord was preparing me for a much better plan. I often find myself planning out my life according to how I want things, not according to what the Lord has. Many many lessons were learned, lessons that will not soon be forgotten. My relationship with the Lord is stronger than ever before and for the first time in my life, I really have NO idea what I'm doing. And you know? I love it. I love not knowing what's going to happen today, or tomorrow, or in 6 months, or in the year 2011. I am SO excited to see what the Lord does, the places I get to go, the ministry I get to be involved in, the new friends I get to meet and the old ones I get to reconnect with, where He leads me for a new job, what school He takes me to, what I'm going to major in, the roommates He's going to bless me with....the list goes on and on.

So, here's to saying Au revoir to 2010 
and 
BONJOUR 2011

I welcome you with open arms, an open heart, and an open mind.

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