2.14.2011

Oh look...it's Valentines

Today I'm torn in two
Let me explain....

I love love. I think love is a wonderful thing...
That is when you have someone to love.
Valentines Day has never been a favorite holiday of mine, really ever...
even when I was little.
I had fun making Valentines Day cards for my friends,
going to parties,
giving that special little card to my crush...haha.
But it's never been a holiday that I get excited over or have anything exciting happen...
Until three years ago...
I had fallen in love with this boy that I had only known for a few months...
But he was the epitome of romance.
He planned out the most amazingly perfect Valentines Day.
A scavenger hunt around the Springs to all the locations where something significant happened...
like where we had our first dance in a parking lot (a dream come true for me),
the place we first met,
my favorite bookstore,
(he wrote out all the clues in poem form so I could figure out where we were going next, LOVED it)
And then, because we both had to work that night,
he surprised me with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers at work.
The next day we went to The Pepper Tree for a romantic dinner
(we were dressed to the tee and looking oh so sexy)
and afterwards, he drove me to a spot over looking the city and there,
gave me one of the most thoughtful and amazing gifts I have ever received.
It was perfect.
The perfect Valentines Day.
See...when I think back on this day, I think, 
"Oh, I just can't wait to be in love again! Love is so wonderful. I wanna holds hands again, and make silly Valentines Day cards, and go out to romantic dinners, and get flowers and be spoiled."
I get all romantical inside and think of all the romantic things I want to do or have done for me...
And then I think of this romantic boy who spoiled me,
way too much in the beginning,
(and set the bar pretty dang high for any future man in my life...which won't be any time soon, haha)
and I am blessed that someone out there showed me...
that Valentines Day really isn't that bad of a day.

{love. true love}

And then.....
(dun dun dun)
I really hate love. Love is awful.
Valentines Day or as I am currently calling it 
(along with many others around the Unite Stated of America)
"Singles Awareness Day" is stupid.
Seriously...if you love someone, then you're supposed to show them love
every day
Why in the world do we have to have a day dedicated to love?
I, for one, think it's an awful day. Specially last year and well, this year.
Last years Valentines Day was probably the worst ever in my entire life.
I've tried over and over again to erase it from my memory, but not sure if that'll really happen.
This year...I am actually single.
Single.
No man, no flowers, no candy, no romantic dinner, no special thought-out gifts...
Just me.
I don't even have a dog this year. Ugh.
I don't want to hear the word 'Valentine', see any kind of flower, or read on facebook
about any ones romantic night out with their lover.
Bitter? No actually...just avoiding anything to do with love.
When you're in love, the world is so great!
Then the person you're head over heels for,
the one you want to spend the rest of your life with,
and have been in love with for three years, twenty four/seven, all 365 days of 
those three years...goes and breaks your heart....
some tend to get a bitter taste in their mouths about what true love is.
Good thing I have Jesus, otherwise I would probably never, ever, ever
want to love ever again.
His love is all the matters anyways <3


So....like I said...I am torn in two.
I want someone to love 
but then again,
love hurts.
More than I thought it ever could.
But I'll be ready to be swept off my feet again and be shown what true love is...
One day......

P.S.
I will take some candy hearts though if anyone wants to drop some off at work :)
Best text message: "Roses are red, Violets are blue,
Don't be too bitter, Cause IIII love you!" -Bri Herter

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