My best friend and I have worked through so so much the past few months that it's amazing where we are now, but because of us taking time to work on us and work through all the ick, we seem to have lost (probably not lost, but that's what it looks like in my head) our community of friends. We've tried to hang out with a few throughout this week, but it just hasn't worked out and with my personality, most days I just get hard-headed and say, "forget about it! I'm done." And then there's James...encouraging me once again that because we took the time we needed to work on our relationship, we can now work on rebuilding relationships with those who have been there for us through all the junk and regaining a community again.
And then there's the whole church thing. This is where I am so frustrated that it's hard for me to even try to have patience. I desire more than anything to have a church community that I (and we) can go to, get involved in, grow, and have a solid community of friends again. This has become so hard because well, we don't have any dating friends anymore. The friends we grew closest to are now married and in a different season of life, the church we liked to call home, James said he wouldn't want to go again because of how some things transpired, the church he started to go to and invited me to, I won't go to anymore because in my heart I know that's not home (and I don't want to get connected in a college group with a ton of single people, because I'm not in that season anymore). So....now, we're on the hunt again for a place to call home, where we can find mentors to invest in us, help us grow, challenge us, and find a group of friends to do life with, have fun with, and grow with.
I'm a day dreamer and a thinker and because of this, I see things going a certain way in my head. I see how life has been, how hard and challenging it's been, and now I see what it can be like, how beautiful it can be. I see how I want it to be...and it's just not there yet. Then again, that's what I want, not necessarily what the Lord has in mind, haha! So, as I sit here in my bed on this beautiful Monday morning, thinking about this unknown season of life and knowing deep down the Lord has me here for a reason, I will trust Him, get out of bed, go down by the pool, read a book, bask in the sun, and enjoy the little moments that I get to have. And pray that in this season of waiting for a job and waiting for a community, that my heart will be at peace, knowing that He really does have everything under control!