7.25.2011

Satisfied

Usually, right about now, I'm half asleep-half awake. My long arms reach for my phone as alarm number two goes off. I hit snooze. My eyes fight to stay closed, my body does not seem to move from the all-wrapped-up position it's in, but my mind knows it's time to get up and get ready to start my day. A day filled with two children, two cats, killing spiders, driving to and from dance class and swimming, and laying my head down on the kitchen counter for at least thirty minutes of some shut eye at the opportune moment.

But today is different. Today I don't have to work. Today I am wide awake, laying in my bed with the air conditioner blasting, watching the sunrise from my bedroom window. The oranges, the pinks, against the backdrop of bright blue leave me awestruck. Psalm 90:14 says, "O, satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness, That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." As I sit here and read this verse over and over again, I turn it into my prayer. To have a heart that is satisfied in the Lord and His lovingkindness, His mercies, His grace...than I have nothing else to do but to sing for joy and be glad. Yes! This is what I want.

My heart has been heavy for my Mom the past few days. A conversation with a dear friend opened my eyes again to see how important prayer is and praying, continually and steadfastly for the lost, is not something for the faint at heart. It takes dedication, it takes courage, it takes real faith, it takes dying to your flesh. Somewhere in the midst of life, I lost that drive. My heart went from , "My God, you can do anything and I believe it will happen!" to "I prayed everyday for a year, not giving up hope, and my eyes saw nothing but more pain...is this how it will be the rest of my life?" Oh, Autumn. Oh, Autumn, where is your faith? Do you not see what the Lord has done in every other area in your life? Do you not remember the grace, mercy, and lovingkindness He has extended towards you in the midst of the pain? How are you not satisfied? Why have you stopped praying? Questions I'm still figuring out the answers to. Questions I don't necessarily like to ask myself.

So, this morning, with my glass of milk in hand, I will stop, pray...not only for my Mom, but for my whole family, for my friends, for those I love, for my heart to not grow faint and weary and allow the enemy to speak lies to me...and I will be satisfied with His lovingkindess and turn that satisfaction into songs of joy and gladness in my heart...for all my days. 


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