It feels like I haven't had a moment to just sit and write. I miss this. My mind has been running on all cylinders day in and day out. Blogging was my way of getting my emotions off my chest and thoughts out of my head. I miss this. My job is a full-time, sit in front of the computer all day job, and please don't get me wrong, I love where I work and I am so incredibly blessed to work for such an amazing organization, but once I get home, the last thing I want to do is sit in front of the computer. I need to make time for blogging though. It's a must. I drive myself crazy with everything that happens inside of my head. Be thankful that you (whomever you are) are not me. James tells me all the time to, "just stop thinking"....but I just can't. And thus, blogging. My outlet. I journal, which is great. But let's be honest...I type a lot faster than I write. So, here's to, hopefully, getting back into the habit of blogging...at least once a week :) We'll see!
Hmmmm...so, what have I been up to since October 7th?
Birthday parties, new job, family arguments, talk of engagement (oops...did that come out?), Halloween, learning about life, marriage, and how to forgive...and what grace and hope and His redemption is all about.
Life is quite the adventure. Most days, I feel like a 40 year old woman, wrapped up in a 22 year old's body, who, although has learned and grown SO much, has so much more to learn and won't stop learning till I'm on my death bed. Some days I look in the mirror and think to myself how much older I look than I should (this is probably just me that thinks this)...but I think that the stress of life has started taking it's tole on me and I don't look like a 22 year old. Ridiculous. I know. James just laughs when I tell him this...and rightfully so...it's complete non-sense. But the battles of stress, anxiety, and fear do take a tole on a person's life.
As I sit here and think about the past (almost) two months, I almost don't even know where to begin.
I guess the best place to start is...with how much more I've fallen in love with James. How much more depth there is to us and to him. I was telling a co-worker and now a friend of mine just the other night how the James that she knows now, is not the James I knew just a little over a year ago. James lived two lives...one filled with lies, manipulation, sex, and more lies....and one that I saw, a James I thought would never hurt me and loved me and would never leave me. Now, I don't want to talk about the past, you can read all about that in my previous blogs and on his blog...but I say all that because of the Lord doing such an incredible work in James and through James. It's a true miracle that we are together again. It's a true miracle that God changed my heart. It's a true miracle that God changed James' life. Redemption is such a beautiful thing. The Lord even says in His word, "Fear not, I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, You are Mine." I think some of the most beautiful words that I have ever heard are those right there. The Lord redeems. He calls us by name. We are His creation. It was by His blood that we are able to live in freedom. The Lord's all about redemption. This was something that hit me so hard the beginning of this year that I got it tattooed on my body..."Beautifully Redeemed." Because of Christ's redemption story....and the redemption He has so graciously bestowed upon James and I's relationship, I have fallen more and more in love with this man. A man that broke all trust, yet fought to build it all back up. A man that lied, but turned it all around to share the truth (even the ugly truths) and live a life of honesty. A man that makes me want to be a better woman. A man that encourages me. A man that I love so so deeply.
I have so much more to write about...but if I were to write it all out, this post would be the longest post ever! So, I guess that means that I just have to get back to writing :)
That's all for now :)